At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Two words: blizzard sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
