Sry I called you an 8
I wish you could order shots online.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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