I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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