my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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