Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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