Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
