I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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