No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize