the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
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Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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