Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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