Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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