...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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