Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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