Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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