His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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