i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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