capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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