Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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