there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently you make a good broom.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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