got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
