around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
