This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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