im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
