I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
