That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
