I have demons in me.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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