Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
