we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
they need to just BURY HIM!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My vagina just clenched in fear
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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