Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
