Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
