dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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