In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
