Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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