i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
