I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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