can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
