All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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