i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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