so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
