whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
