I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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