I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
