Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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