Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
