Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
