Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
