kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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