if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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