There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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