I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my being single is dangerous.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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