we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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