It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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