I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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