my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
