I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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