Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
