cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Randomize
