As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
