I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
