i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sext me about skeletons
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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