babies were throwing up all over the place
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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