Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
