Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
