just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
