My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
