This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
