Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
