I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
