I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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