This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
