dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
